Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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