I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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