Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
