dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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