the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
