So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize