Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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