I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
