i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
