I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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