I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Randomize
