My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
