True but thats because hes a fetus.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
