Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
