i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize