Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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