so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
