I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
