I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
