she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
