1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
