I want to stick my p in your. b.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize