I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
