all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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