remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
