i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
