I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
