I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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