I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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