Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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