Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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