Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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