I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
