may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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