last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
