im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
