He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
