The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
