my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
