naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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