Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
