oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
In America we eat man semen.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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