wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Randomize
