all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
