i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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