i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
