You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
