just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
