it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
