my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
