I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
where does the pee come out of this thing
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
