I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
