I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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