They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
