The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
