She's JV to your varsity
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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