Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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