So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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