I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
