i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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