How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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