you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
