Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
