DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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