Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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