I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
