it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
