Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
