How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
