What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
