dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yo dont text me then not text me
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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