I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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