She said her name was "party"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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