So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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