worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
