There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
