Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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