Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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