Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
