oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
