I cockslap morals
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
