You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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