Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
