I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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