hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude i'm inner monologue high
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
