I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
