Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
