If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
